I have no ideas for a title - so I'll just go with the flow. I figure now that I am back from my epic adventure I have a little time to reflect. Hands down most dynamic trip I have ever been on - I can hardly say best because every trip has awesome aspects. Spiritually - God was good. I kept a journal to record two things... the events of the day, and my personal thoughts/prayers.. whatever I felt like talking about that day. I started the trip with a hard heart towards what God was capable of doing on the trip and also skeptical about what I would be capable of learning. I started out feeling super lost - this cause because of a Facade that I had become very good at putting on. I felt unworthy - as so often it comes down to because of how many times I've messed up and how badly I've messed up this time. Anyways without getting into unnecessary detail - first few days into the trip I was hoping with all my heart out of pure and absolute desperation that God would do something, teach me, mold me, push me, challenge me. I'll have you note that I had just as much doubt that he actually would, but as the days unfolded I started to listen and engage in stimulating conversations with people in the group which I would soon call friends. I cried out to God nightly - and he answered. I was able to become friends with some amazing people - who showed me that I am not alone in my struggles.
Some profound things that I learned -
1.-'It is not easy to befriend God' - probably the most comforting quote of the trip only because it has been my primary stumbling block and to hear that from someone that I respect as a leader. It takes work - which may seem obvious to some people - but to someone like me who is used to seeing results right away it was a wonderful awakening
2. - The wonderful meaning behind monasticism - there is so much behind this practice. Going and spending time with a monk father, watching them pray, even though I could not understand them, learning about what it means to be a monk and the different practices. I used to think it was strictly solitude from the world - and boy was I shown different. They seek solitude to spend more time with God, but more than that its about not owning anything - which is huge. nothing becomes more important than God. And Something which was quoted many times on the trip was from a founding father - Basil the Great 'If we live alone, whose feet will we wash?'
3. - Servanthood, The first characteristic of Christian leadership according to Paul's sermon in Thyateria, recorded in the book of acts - chapter unknown. Anyhow - something struck a chord deep down when we were listening to My prof preach about this in the theater. All of a sudden I was like that's what I've been doing wrong - my motives have ALWAYS been self serving or counting the cost for myself. I have not been a servant. I dont even know what it means to be a servant. So my prayer thus begun to become a servant of Gods will, and that I would always have my ears open and my heart like soft clay ready to be shaped.
I'll end here before y'all get bored - thanks for reading!