Just a Thing

So I am totally winging this blog,
Haven't written for several months.
God is Good -
I have come to a realization - actually more than one - but it is this:
Trusting God is the only way to live my life - it is hard and confusing sometimes but I have found no other solution. There is this excitment in my life that won't go away (I don't want it too) Everyone always talks about it wearing off and then you get into a doldrum - a dessert place. But Frankly I don't see this happening. I feel as if I have unlocked this secret door. Everything I do - I just want to be the best and do it for God. I mean of course if you know me you know I fail - but I don't become discouraged anymore! I have found my hope and salvation and I wish thewhole wide world would see. My purpose in life is to serve. To let everyone know - to spread the love that I have. I have never found joy such as this before. I am satisfied with what I have and seek to give it all away. People have become more important than things. Giving love is more important than recieving it. There are so many things I know that I need to work on, but discouragement has been permanently banished! God lifts me up when I need it - be it through self-realization, scripture or other people in my life. I want to love like God loves me. I want to serve others as Jesus has served me. I want to humble myself, be the last in all things.

For some reason I just get it.

I know how I want to live my life and nothing can stop me. I read 'screwtape letters' by C.S. Lewis and there was a paragraph - hopefully I can convey it properly, but as the devils try and persuade us to their side they get close to us and put thoughts in our minds and put things and people across our paths. The same way God works - it is this battle. Anyways, in this exerpt it describes the patient being surrounded by a cloud of asphixyating smoke - the cause? they are so close to God. God is with them and heare aware of it. So these demons cannot 'access' this patient because of the state they are in. I feel as if this is the state I am in. It goes onto decribe that some 'patients' are permanently like this and they are 'lost' to the other side (Gods side). I thought that was just the mosti ntruiging way of looking at it. I want to be permanently in that state, where I know that noting evil will sway me.

"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
again"

This is the chorus to a song that I have on permanent loop right now. Its just like the words Jumped out at me. Pretty self-explanatory - but this is how i want to live =)