Self-Serving Sacrifice

I have officially been charged with living a self-serving faith. I don't know when or what I was doing when it hit me. I think it was when I was driving, as that is where I seem to do a lot of my pondering. Anyhow - I realized that a lot of what I do is for myself. My faith is for me. I am trying to find a way to explain it. I go to church with an underlying thought of church being something I need, and something that fills me up rather than a heart ready to worship a God that loves me and that is so powerful and amazing. It's almost a self worship. In reality, my faith in God, my relationship to him and with him is supposed to be one of servitude. I get fired up when people talk about serving God and that we should be so excited to serve him, yet there is always the thoughts on the back burner that it will solve all my problems because it will make me feel like a better person. It is actually amazing how unnoticed these thoughts have gone. They are all lies - very self serving ones at that. I should be doing it for the sole purpose of giving glory to God. I know it is possible.

I started this blog with the title Self Righteous rather than self serving but i thought it more fitting. Although I am that as well. I need to do everything myself and I always justify things by making silly excuses or brush it of or judge others more severely. I have forgotten what it means to love my neighbor as myself, and to be empathetic. I have forgotten to seek others stories and how to love without worrying about myself first. It is such a good feeling - but I never realized how quickly I forget to do so. It breaks my heart to look back at how almost fake I have been. I want to go back to loving for the sake of loving. Trusting in the one who first loved me.