A short Rambling of Absolutely Nothing

I have come to the conclusion that, well, I don't actually really know - I have had the sudden urge to blog and at this very moment I actually have nothing to blog about that would be interesting. I have my concentration song going on - and the fact is I'm not even sure if I will post this post - as it is utterly pointless. However - I might just for the sake of doing something completely useless... I am actually just procrastinating - putting off the inevitable - yuck - writing a dreaded paper. Actually it should be somewhat effortless - as I pretty much get to pick the topic, however its just the idea of writing. which is ironic - because I love writing. Just not for others - somehow - the idea of something of mine written to be judged and critiqued just doesn't appeal - although I realize that there is the potential for this to happen on my site - it really counts and there is pressure - I don't like pressure. Anyways - something I have learned this week.. nothing epic but I'm jsut trying to think of something... Oh yes - I have learned that I have absolutely no determination and that I need serious makeover in my spiritual life. It has become pushed to the very bottom of my list. Or more its on the top of my list - and I just avoid it because I am scared of what I might be asked to do. However - something I was also reminded of this past week while writing a reflection on world religions was that fear is usually fear of the unknown. And you'll (I'll) never know something if I don't try it right? Blah - I have forgotten what it means to love people - and that makes me sad. I used to love seeing people smile - what made them smile made me smile - and now I feel as if I am just putting on a mask - i am not sure what the mask it self looks like - however - I know its a fascade. And yet I dont want to believe that it is.... ahhh oh well those are my ponderings for the day - I must get back to my 'scholarly work' - perhaps I will update you on my progress in getting rid of this mask =)
Adios