Survival

Ah! So I survived my second semester - and my first year. It feels like I just barely passed. the amount of stress that has been alleviated is enormous. So many things were running through my mind. Now it feels like I can finally function somewhat normally. My thought process is slowly returning to a steady pace. Wow. That's pretty much all I have to say. Life is completely different being back in school. Taking the bus downtown brings back a flood of memories. It is tempting to want to go back - but I suppose that now I can think somewhat reasonably - the reward of actually finishing something challenging and finishing it well is insurmountable. Nothing compares - and all the times I thought about quitting - make me want to finish all the more. I just have to remember this feeling when things get tough. I know how much I wanted to quit and how good it feels to have pushed through. The thoughts of quitting are slowly dissolving. I just need time to analyse the entire picture - which I have been unable to do. My judgement gets altered very quickly when things get difficult. I like to run away, avoid and hide. Now that I know this about myself - I must find my support and my strength in someone other than myself. Someone stronger than my stubborness and pride - because I have a lot of both. The obvious option is Jesus - because he is stronger than me in everyway. I suppose I am just always scared to go that route. Sometimes I don't even know if I fully believe in that route. Most of me wants to - but I guess I know how difficulte it is. Which we've already figured out is something im not good at... sticking to things that are difficult. But Im tired of making excuses