Just a Thing

So I am totally winging this blog,
Haven't written for several months.
God is Good -
I have come to a realization - actually more than one - but it is this:
Trusting God is the only way to live my life - it is hard and confusing sometimes but I have found no other solution. There is this excitment in my life that won't go away (I don't want it too) Everyone always talks about it wearing off and then you get into a doldrum - a dessert place. But Frankly I don't see this happening. I feel as if I have unlocked this secret door. Everything I do - I just want to be the best and do it for God. I mean of course if you know me you know I fail - but I don't become discouraged anymore! I have found my hope and salvation and I wish thewhole wide world would see. My purpose in life is to serve. To let everyone know - to spread the love that I have. I have never found joy such as this before. I am satisfied with what I have and seek to give it all away. People have become more important than things. Giving love is more important than recieving it. There are so many things I know that I need to work on, but discouragement has been permanently banished! God lifts me up when I need it - be it through self-realization, scripture or other people in my life. I want to love like God loves me. I want to serve others as Jesus has served me. I want to humble myself, be the last in all things.

For some reason I just get it.

I know how I want to live my life and nothing can stop me. I read 'screwtape letters' by C.S. Lewis and there was a paragraph - hopefully I can convey it properly, but as the devils try and persuade us to their side they get close to us and put thoughts in our minds and put things and people across our paths. The same way God works - it is this battle. Anyways, in this exerpt it describes the patient being surrounded by a cloud of asphixyating smoke - the cause? they are so close to God. God is with them and heare aware of it. So these demons cannot 'access' this patient because of the state they are in. I feel as if this is the state I am in. It goes onto decribe that some 'patients' are permanently like this and they are 'lost' to the other side (Gods side). I thought that was just the mosti ntruiging way of looking at it. I want to be permanently in that state, where I know that noting evil will sway me.

"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
again"

This is the chorus to a song that I have on permanent loop right now. Its just like the words Jumped out at me. Pretty self-explanatory - but this is how i want to live =)

A list of things

1 Peter 2:11-12 " Dear Friends I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your sould. Live such good lives among the pagans that, through you they may see your good deeds and glorify God...."
note on vs. 12 - the pagans' evaluation is not a "snap judgement" - the greek word translated 'see' refers to a careful watching over a period of time.
verse 13 " Submit yourselves for the Lords sake to every authority."
verse 16 " live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover up for evil; live as servants of God."
verse 17 - show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
1 Peter 3:8-9 " Live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, lvoe as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing."

Chapter 4:1 " Therefore since christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude.... not for evil human desires but rather for the will of God.
verse 7-8 " Therefore be clearminded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above al, love eachother deeply because lvoe covers a multitude of sins."
verse 9 offer hospitality without grumbling
verse 10 " use whatever gift he has recieved gift you have received to serve others
** --> if you speak or serve - do it with the strength of God to that in all things He is praised.

A Beginning

1 Peter 1:13 " Therefore prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when youlived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do"

- How do we prepare our minds for action? * study note says that readers should be prepared for physical action (Jer 1:17 = get yourselves ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you.(to be taken literally)

- Be Selfcontrolled and do not conform.

- We are to be holy just as Christ was holy.

Holy = Set apart, separated from sin and impurity. *note see exodus 3:5 = holiness involves being consecrated to the Lord's service. Hebrews 12:14 " Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see God."

1 Peter 1:22 "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart" (brothers = fellow believers(Rom1:13))

1 Peter 2:1 " Therefore, rid yourself of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of everykind."

Malice = a desire to inflict injusy, harm or suffering on another because of hostile impule or deep-seated meaness.

Slander= a false, malicious statement or report about someone.

Hypocrisy= a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religous beliefs that one does not really possess

Prayer

"Hear my voice when I call to you

May my prayer be set before you like incense

May the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice

Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord

Keep watch over the door of my lips

Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil,

To take part in wicked deeds,

with men who are evildoers;

Let me not eat of their delecacies

Let a righteous man strike me - it is a kindness;

Let him rebuke me - it is oil on my head

My Head will not refuse it."

- Psalm 141:1-5

How Shall I Live - Intro

So, I've been reading the bible - I started from Genesis and now I am in Ezra... I figured it would be a good idea seeing as I have never actually read the bible in its entirety. Unfortunately it does get a little bit repetitive, so I decided that in keeping with that I would also add to my reading a theme. I have read through lots of the new testament before so I know the just of it... Now I want to go through it looking for "how I should live" and kind of go in depth, sort of like what I did with Proverbs. So instead of people telling me how I should live, and how they think it should be Im going to be 'doing my homework'. Journaling my thoughts and research and such. Of course it won't be like professional or anything but it helps me to keep track.. and for anyone who follows along. I don't know why - but I started in 1st Peter, but I will be going through the whole new testament in chunks and I will also be adding things from the old testament as well when they come up.

Humbling Myself

" This very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people." - C.S. Lewis

Its kind of like do unto others.... but not really. Sort of inverted, or backwards? I am not to sure what I am trying to say. Or maybe it is an addition to the verse itself. Because Really, how ca nwe expect people to do things when we ourselves are not willing to to them. Its like telling a child to eat their vegitables and yet refusing to eat your own. People work better by example. Its like the secular song by John Mayer " Waiting for the world to change"

We keep on waiting, waiting. Instead of getting off our duffs and doing it ourselves. Why is that? We often forget the power of one person - and especially the power of one person with Jesus by his side. If everyone thought that way all the time where would we be today? Now its not necessarily the concept of hypocrisy - saying you shouldn't litter and then going and doing it yourself. Rather it's the idea of seeing a littered sidewalk, walking by and commenting on how awful it looks instead of picking up some of the stuff that is in your path or rallying people to clean up that neighborhood. But it goes deeper than littering and small things like this. When we examine ourselves and our attitudes towards things we see that this is true of most everyone.

I think I am making this more complicated and complex than it really is. but for some reason I feel the need to expand on the above quote. Perhaps it is because deeper down I know that it is an attitude adjustment that I myself need to make. Is it not true that when there is a disagreement that I always want the other person to be the bigger person? I want an apology or a 'yes you were right'? Is it not true that many relationships are ruined because of this. Of course there may be legitimate reasons but does not God himself call us to be humble? That we are to love unconditionally and forgive our trangressors seventy times seven times? What does it mean to love unconditionally.... and who deserves my unconditional love?

Unconditional:

1. not contingent; not determined or influenced by someone or something else
2. not limited by conditions; absolute: an unconditional promise.

I think as Christians we are required to live by this standard. That when we become a christian our emotions and attitudes should not be influeneced by anything or anyone but the one Above. It is absolute.

Before we can expect others to live by the standards we have set we must do two things - we must first ask "where do my standards come from?" when they are coming from God, not taken bit by bit but the whole lot of them, then we can be sure that they are right. They are absolute and do not sway from person to person - there are no exceptions for billy and sue because of their situations. God calls us to standards individually and I think that once we realise that and the idea that what billy and sue do today are not the ultimate cause of my attitude, (does this make sense?) we will start doing what is right (without being swayed or influenced by anything else) What they do might hurt me or it might be their fault, who knows... but we cannot be prideful. Even if they are in the wrong God calls us to live by the same standards he calls Billy and Sue to. So we are not supposed to wait on them to do the right thing. It would be nice - but that is not what is required of us. The second thing is that we must live by these standards ourselves, which I already have mentioned. Our priorities cannot be watching how other people live and do things, we should be focused on doing the right thing ouselves.

Right?

" The Further I'm From you The harder I try to Exist "
A line from a song I was just listening to.... what does it mean? well silly question - I know what it means I don't know why I am asking. Where am i going with this. OK. It just struck me as the course repeated itself. I thought to myself, that there is nothing closer to the truth. When I am close to God - and getting to know him and I am focused on what he wants for me - I don't worry about where I am supposed to be or where I am supposed to go. I don't fret about why I am alive or why bad things happen and I am completely satisfied. But, when I am far away from God, or say farther than I am used to, I feel lost and like I need to find reasons to be where I am, to exist. I try harder to exist. There is a sense of peace that comes with knowing God, and truly follwing him. The peace though, only comes when we are actually following him and close to what He wants for us. Knowing does nothing. I need to strive to be closer. There is no greater purpose than to exist for God.

Just be....

Once Upon a time there was me, who liked to make hasty decisions.... I usually like to think that I think things through and take my time, but I still end up making silly decisions at the spur of a moment. Just because I think I know everything. Or close to it anyways. I think its funny when I look back, I can see what I should have done and I ike to ask myself or reprimand myself for not doing what I should have. I sometimes feel like I am the only one who goes through this thought process. I will sometimes make up my mind not to do something such as, for example, not ordering fries and a drink so as to save money.... but then when I get up to the register and see the menu my mind or my hunger seems to instantly overpower any common sense that I had minutes before. Or when I made up my mind to not date and concentrate on God and Work and Saving for school - as soon as someone came along that I thought would be a good candidate and things started rolling along - I went against my previous judgement and went for what I wanted at the moment. The power of desire always seems to overcome my good sense and my morals. The question now is simply this: not how do we get rid of these desires that overcome us, rather with what do we replace them with? For we simply cannot just get rid of them for either they will not go away or new ones will just surface to take their place. If we attpemt to discard of them we are left with a void and we will never be satisfied. So, what to we replace this desire with? I have come to realise that the only one that will ultimately satisfy is the desire to know and serve God. I need to immerse myself in knowing God and letting him be my friend, father and Lord most of all. When we come to realise that he is everything - we will never thirst again. The only way that God is able to become that desire that is central in our hearts is if one: we let him, two: we earnestly start to get to know him. Once we shift our line of thinking we are on the right track.
C.S. Lewis said " you can be on the right track but you will still get run over if you don't start going in the same direction." So I need to get off my butt and start going with what I already know and have...

Wonderful.

Living Today

The question of the day - how do we go about our day and do it for the Lord? It is so easy to get side tracked and live for ourselves - even in the little things. We can say our general purpose is Gods agenda... but what does living for God actually look like. It seems to me that everyone kinda just lives their life looking at the other christians that seem to have their life together, wondering how they are so close to God and what their secret is. Jesus is in my life - so what next? It is so easy to get into the habit of saying that when everything is good -- when I have what I need, when the kids are older, when I have more time I want to go out and do what I am supposed to do. What is stopping the general population of Christians from just stepping out daily? I do not know. I know in my own life - I am tempted with worries of what my future is going to look like. How am I going to get there, what do I have to do to make it happen. I get caught up in things that happen. I forget that God is in control and that it is all good. I think that htings will be easier once I am married, done school and have my kids. Once I am settled and have my life 'in line'. But I have since learned that since when is anybodies life going to be in line. It is something that we long for but we will never attain until we learn to be satisfied with today. I want to live for Jesus today and right now. So often I take for granted this day that I am living in. I forget that God can take my life just as quick as he gave it to me. Tomorrow is only wishful thinking.

Today

There is never a moment in my life that nothing is going on.... I can't recall the last time things were normal. Normal meaning I could just be. I know that God calls us to a higher standard and wants us to be everything we can be for him all the time, but sometimes - its hard. It's really cool because I get to experience life and be with people and watch them grow but at the same time it feels like I exist for other people. I love helping people - and I guess now that I think about it - I don't need help at this moment, so I am able. I wish that my heart would always be willing to say - "here I am, send me". God has enabled me to experience things so that I can help others through the same things. I don't mind. Its exhilerating actually. I love how he works through everything and everyone. I feel as though God has made me smart. Like maybe that sounds stupid. I'm not a genius by any means, but I feel wise. I have never acted my age (sometimes I wish I could) But I always seem to have the right answer for people. Why? I do not know. I have not done anything special to deserve this. In fact I usually feel unworthy to be doing work for God - because of the things I have done. I feel like I am missing heart. There are so many factors - I get proud of myself - I think about myself and what I have done - and how everyone likes me.. which is another mystery. haha All of a sudden - people want to be with me. I used to have no friends - and now I am someone that is different from everyone else and they love it? I wish I knew the answer as to what makes me so apparantly different. I have found Jesus. maybe that is it? I finally understand what it means to be a christ follower. I have known for the longest time - and I struggle with it daily, but the struggles are completely worth it. I feel unworthy because I don't take up my cross daily - I am not sure exactly what that means. What is my task in life? I do not know yet. I think right now it is to just be... be in God's presence, be a light?, be a friend, and be real. Right now I feel as if I have lost my very best friend ( I think my thoughts are all over the place right now - even on this page) He can't be my friend - because I don't want more than just to be friends. We shared pretty much everything and now that I am interested in someone else he realises that we are not going to be together. I guess I didn't see it all along - but now he is gone. The cool thing is that Jesus is always there - no matter what happens. I am still not sure how I feel about the whole situation. I think it still has not even clicked in... Even though that is allthat has been going through mymind for the past 5 hours.... I have just lost my best friend.. I have just lost my best friend. I feel like I have broken so many hearts in the past 2 months it is not even funny. Why? I still don't know. I just dont know. It was like I never could get the one I wanted- and now I can get what ever I want. What happened? I have to watch almost every interaction with the male species (haha) because they seem to take it the wrong way - every single time. And no one seems to understand where I am coming from. I don't know. But this last one is almost the worst. Ah - why does everything have to be so complicated.

Guarding My Heart

How does one guard their heart? and against what exactly? The book I am reading about dating is all about the purity and says that God places "keeping our hearts clean" at a top priority. The answers seem so obvious but they are not that easy to do sometimes. I personally have to guard against self-pity, critisism, gossiping, stubborness, and being luke warm. Its not just the big things that get us in trouble. Its the little things that eventually lead to the big things. And I realise that I need to take care of everything that I put into my heart and mind.

"Create in Me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10

I don't need that brand new car to get me where I'm going - I need Jesus
.
I don't need that comfort ice cream or that Starbucks Latte - I need Jesus
.
I don't need that shopping day to fill my closet (and empty my wallet) - I need Jesus, to fill up the corners of my inner most being.
.
I want to get rid of those ill - fitting clothes and those boxes of old memorabilia, clean the clutter out of my garage... when what I really need to do is clean myself from the outside - in. To get rid of all the garbage, clutter and death that takes up space in my heart and mind.
.
Jesus is here and now - not after I've satisfied myself... He is the one who gets me where I'm going, The one who hits the spot. He is just what I needed.
.
Suddenly its a little bit easier to get where I am going.

The Journey Ahead

It's been awhile since anything has been published here... mainly because I have been away in a land far away... I have learned so much in the past month, done so much, and just seen so much that I'm ready to move on. I was expecting my trip to be full of close times with God, and growing with my sister spiritually, but I made it quite the opposite. I am back to reality and do not know where I am headed... in the long run that is. Filled with the general questions of life: What am I supposed to be doing, What does God want me to do with my life? and some maybe not so general but completely valid questions. I feel like I am completely unsatisfied with thing. Unsatisfied with Who i am - wanting to be like other people, with what I have - such as a car and house whatever, with my relationships - those special people that are always there to support you and give you that little nudge everyone in a while that you can share anything and everything with, and the boys - wishing that they would like me (at least the ones that I like would even notice me). And even though they are trivial... they sometimes start to consume me and get the best of me. Its so hard to not worry. But even the pastor said - that if you want a hectic and worry filled life - than worry about tomorrow.

Just a little Fun

Oh to be a newspaper editor...and it even has a moral that's pretty funny too.

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased
with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: ...
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper
headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the
donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next
day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the
donkey,so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey
and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines
read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas, the Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY?
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer and be a lot
happier!

Found - Hillsong United

Amazing love, now what else shall I need? Your name brings life Its's more than the air I breathe. My world has changed when your life you gave for me, My purpose found and all that you want for me. And I've found myself in you. And I've yound myself in you. Take me to a place where I can see you face to face, and all I wanna do, all I wanna do is worship you.

What do we live for?

I'm sure we have all come to this point in our lives where we ask ourselves this question... So where do we find the answer. Everyone seems to have their own version or own solution - even if they don't, when you ask them the question and 'force' them to think about it for a minute they come up with an answer... or sorts. But really what do we live for if not for God? I try and think about this with a non bias opinion, which is very difficult being brought up this way my whole life. Every Religion of course says that they have the answer - or the secret solution to how to live great or be happy - whatever. If not why would anyone stick with a religion? I am reading 'god is not great' - and I just can't seem to put my mind around it. Am I naive? or is it the author? I have grown up with Christianity and don't know any different. What kind of conclusions would I come to if I had not been taught anything at all? How would my life be? If there was no such thing as morals, or right and wrong, acceptable and not - where would I be? Surely only God knows the answer to that question. this is all I know, and being Jewish is all a jew really knows, and being muslim is all a muslim knows.... What kind of a conclusion would a person taught none of these opinions come too???? I don't know. I wish I knew these things. But then actually if you think about it, If i knew the answers to these questions then I would know too much. It would take away from the mystery and the beauty of life. But now I am going on a long tangent.... Sometimes- we have to search these things out four ourselves. I fell like I know so much, and yet.... so little at the same time. I know about what is right and wrong (in the eyes of a christian) and I know everything they taught me in highschool. I know what I want to be after school. I know what people are feeling when they dont sometimes. It is not wrong to question things. If we did not question things imagine how naive and blind we would be to everything around us. I can only imagine how much I don't know. Inside of me wants to burst because there is scarcely enough time to even begin to surface all the knowledge in this world. Im not quite sure where I am going with this.. but I will go. I feel like every christian needs to have a sit down in their own walk with God and ask why they believe...... like yeah, you can believe because of your parents - and we all know where that gets you.... absolutely nowhere. Because it is the cool thing to do? ya like thats really the case... well actually I think its pretty cool, but in the general public its not really. I wish I could tap into the brains of people and understand things better. Why is it goood to question what you believe... because if you don't... if oyu are afraid to dig in and get dirty then there is no solidness to it. Maybe its a cry from my own heart saying that I need too search it out. Because I have faith, but faith in what - my emotions? do I go to church just because.... emotions doesnt just inolve how it makes me feel better after the service, but how it feels when my parents look down on me for seeing things different, how my friends think, how I feel when I do things wrong and keep doing them wrong. What is in the sub conscience effects us very much. What am I scared of? What am I avoiding... what am I trying to prove and to whom??? Why am I here right now as opposed to somewhere else? Why am I so concerned with what my fellow graduates are up to? Why do I feel the need to prove anything to them? they don't care about me and what I am up to. and I shouldn't revolve my life around them. God's opinion is the only one that counts. Why do I go through drought seasons where I feel so alone?? and so in doubt about who I am and who God is. I am tired of trying to prove my self to anyone. God you have put me in this place for a reason... what it is -- I do not know right now. you are so real -- so very real that sometimes I fell like I can touch you.. I can feel you and your love surrounds me, and yet other times..... I can say to myself you are real you are the only thing that matters, but deep down you know that I struggle with making sure other people are happy tooo... I have such a hard time. I am tired of trying to prove things to people, to prove it to myself. I fell like everything is a constant struggle a constant pull that never tires. when lord is it going to end? when can I find peace. What do I have to do? I guess my question is what do I live for? Would I go to the ends of the earth for you? or will I cower in a corner when everyone else is against you? What am I defining my life by. This is the main question that I have to ask myself. I dont know where I am going with this. It feelsl ike a small thing maybe that I am just making a big deal out of. I know the world doesnt revolve around me, but its so hard. I wish that sometimes that I could make sense of everything. I know that life is always full of surprises and that Ihave to trust God in everything I do, but it is so hard. Everything is so unsure right now and I feel so mediocre. I can't be luke warm. We are now allowed or supposed to be mediocre - what am i doing"? what am I doing with my life.....

Home

Staring at an empty cup of understanding
Maybe you could fill it up and tell me why you left I don't want to be alone in this ocean Of people passing by rushing toward the end And I can see your soft reflection like a ghost in the mirror And I would do whatever I could for a chance to have you her and be home again Now that you're gone I can see that I was wrong Back in your arms I feel home again Now that you're gone I can see I was wrong Back in your arms again Even as the clouds roll by I swear they mock me Cause every one that fills the sky turns into your face Maybe it was heaven's fault they lost an angel I couldn't hold on and I let her get awayAnd I can see your soft reflection like a ghost in the mirror And I would do whatever it could for a chance to have you here

God be my solution

So I haven't posted anything for awhile. I havent actually written anything for a while. I don't know why. I hate it when life gets busy you tend to neglect the things you love to do the most. Its so silly sometimes. I don't really want to have posts as 'diary entries' but I guess sometimes you can't help it. I mean alot has been going on - and it sort of tends to consume your life. Or atleast they consume my thoughts. Its funny because with everything going on, I tend to forget the most important thing - that God is in control of everything. But it seems like I have been having issues with that aswell. I tell you if its not one thing its another. I dont wnat to be more specific - I am seriously fighting every urge to be more specific but I might just have to because Im sure no one really reads this and cares =). I am sick right now so my emotions might be alittle out of wack. I don't know what I am trying to say. There is so much on my mind and I don't know how to put it down but I wish I could so I could pin point the solution or at least the problem. 1. Boyfriend 2. Smoking 3. Family 4. School 5. Money 6. Busyness of life
Lately I have had an attitude problem because I feel so depressed about somethings and that things are just impossibly chaotic. Oh well. Who am I kidding? a.kjdswhfbalkjreghaLHJ

The Stupid Notion of "Intelligent" Design

It is the same old mumbo jumbo.... Quote on Quote from 'god is not great'

Reading this book makes me want to write some sort of letter to the author. I have mixed emotions towards this book and him. Sometimes I have to laugh because of his complete generalizations, and total lack of research. But then I must say to myself - well have I checked it out? Do I know that what he is saying is wrong? I know because I have been told. But If I were asked to point it out in scripture - would I be able to answer with confidence? Or asked to even point it out in history - would I be able? Somethings maye I think so. Sometimes I feel like writing a book - exact opposite of what he say. Not in a reactionary way but just I don't know.

Peace in the Midst

* 1 Corinthians 13:12
Does suffering prove that there is no God? - Judges 6:12

Two people quoting:
Templeton - If there is a God, why is there so much evil?
Augustine - If there is no God, why is there any good?

A Christian's answer/ explanation for suffering.

There are three reasons for suffering.
1. We live in a broken world.
God gave us freedom, a world without freedom is essentially a world without love. Real love means making a choice. God gave us the freedom for us to even thumb our noses at him.
The cosmos was invaded by evil. God warned Adam and Eve they would die the day they sinned. Life is not a right we deserve, it is a gift from God everyday.
Why am I still Alive, not why did that person die? is what we should be asking.
Evil things do not define the character of God - he didn't intend them in the first place.

2. Suffering can be caused by others - the result of greed and selfishness of others.

3. We bring it upon ourselves. - God gets the blame for the negligence of ourselves. Yet we demand our freedom, still wanting him to step in and prevent certain choices.
God isn't our enemy -> He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. - Take him out of the picture.
So - How do we find peace in the midst of suffering?
- Peace in the valley means to be still and rest
we fall apart in despair because we believe that this life is all there is. We would have a reason to be cynical. There is so much more than just this life - and that will change your whole perspective.
The purpose life is to be Godly and prepare for eternity.

2. Trust God's character.
Psalm 46:10 - " and know that I am God. when you trust someone you have to know them and their character first.
Colossians 1:17. The sun doesn't stop shining because there is a cloud covering it. the same when we are suffering that God isn't just looking the other way.
Matthew 28:20 and Proverbs 18:24
His presence becomes more real in the valleys of life.
John 19: 10, 11: "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?" Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.
see Romans 8:28

3. Just keep praying anyways.- He is our present help and refuge. Prayer makes a difference - it may not change your circumstance but it may change you. Alot of times we don't persevere in prayer. We need to trust. Do not feel inadequate or unworthy.

God sometimes just says no. Other times he just delays for reasons unknown to us at the time. Don't over analyse your prayers.

We may feel unworthy or inadequate or struggle with doubt, or better ways to say things , but just pray anyways. Just pray anyways because it changes and it makes a difference. God wants us to enjoy a relationship with him.

4. Refuse to give up on God. - Choose to believe. God is God and I am man. don't ask for an explanation. Despair or trust in God - those are your only two choices really. So Trust in him anyways.