I have no ideas for a title - so I'll just go with the flow. I figure now that I am back from my epic adventure I have a little time to reflect. Hands down most dynamic trip I have ever been on - I can hardly say best because every trip has awesome aspects. Spiritually - God was good. I kept a journal to record two things... the events of the day, and my personal thoughts/prayers.. whatever I felt like talking about that day. I started the trip with a hard heart towards what God was capable of doing on the trip and also skeptical about what I would be capable of learning. I started out feeling super lost - this cause because of a Facade that I had become very good at putting on. I felt unworthy - as so often it comes down to because of how many times I've messed up and how badly I've messed up this time. Anyways without getting into unnecessary detail - first few days into the trip I was hoping with all my heart out of pure and absolute desperation that God would do something, teach me, mold me, push me, challenge me. I'll have you note that I had just as much doubt that he actually would, but as the days unfolded I started to listen and engage in stimulating conversations with people in the group which I would soon call friends. I cried out to God nightly - and he answered. I was able to become friends with some amazing people - who showed me that I am not alone in my struggles.
Some profound things that I learned -
1.-'It is not easy to befriend God' - probably the most comforting quote of the trip only because it has been my primary stumbling block and to hear that from someone that I respect as a leader. It takes work - which may seem obvious to some people - but to someone like me who is used to seeing results right away it was a wonderful awakening
2. - The wonderful meaning behind monasticism - there is so much behind this practice. Going and spending time with a monk father, watching them pray, even though I could not understand them, learning about what it means to be a monk and the different practices. I used to think it was strictly solitude from the world - and boy was I shown different. They seek solitude to spend more time with God, but more than that its about not owning anything - which is huge. nothing becomes more important than God. And Something which was quoted many times on the trip was from a founding father - Basil the Great 'If we live alone, whose feet will we wash?'
3. - Servanthood, The first characteristic of Christian leadership according to Paul's sermon in Thyateria, recorded in the book of acts - chapter unknown. Anyhow - something struck a chord deep down when we were listening to My prof preach about this in the theater. All of a sudden I was like that's what I've been doing wrong - my motives have ALWAYS been self serving or counting the cost for myself. I have not been a servant. I dont even know what it means to be a servant. So my prayer thus begun to become a servant of Gods will, and that I would always have my ears open and my heart like soft clay ready to be shaped.
I'll end here before y'all get bored - thanks for reading!

Survival

Ah! So I survived my second semester - and my first year. It feels like I just barely passed. the amount of stress that has been alleviated is enormous. So many things were running through my mind. Now it feels like I can finally function somewhat normally. My thought process is slowly returning to a steady pace. Wow. That's pretty much all I have to say. Life is completely different being back in school. Taking the bus downtown brings back a flood of memories. It is tempting to want to go back - but I suppose that now I can think somewhat reasonably - the reward of actually finishing something challenging and finishing it well is insurmountable. Nothing compares - and all the times I thought about quitting - make me want to finish all the more. I just have to remember this feeling when things get tough. I know how much I wanted to quit and how good it feels to have pushed through. The thoughts of quitting are slowly dissolving. I just need time to analyse the entire picture - which I have been unable to do. My judgement gets altered very quickly when things get difficult. I like to run away, avoid and hide. Now that I know this about myself - I must find my support and my strength in someone other than myself. Someone stronger than my stubborness and pride - because I have a lot of both. The obvious option is Jesus - because he is stronger than me in everyway. I suppose I am just always scared to go that route. Sometimes I don't even know if I fully believe in that route. Most of me wants to - but I guess I know how difficulte it is. Which we've already figured out is something im not good at... sticking to things that are difficult. But Im tired of making excuses

No Title

Something that I have yet to grasp in its fullness - is the presence of God in my life.
- I know all the right things - like yeah he is everywhere, always with me, cares about us and isn't just the big guy in the sky. But yet I go about my daily tasks as if I am alone - I try to conquer everything by myself, because I am the only one who understands me. I've heard the preacher speak about inviting God to spend every moment with us... but who actually really does that and is successful. It sounds all good and nice but I haven't been able to do it. Skeptical - maybe. Anyways, how do we get to that point of realizing Gods presence around us all the time?
- for me this morning, it was just kind of declaring the fact that God is right beside me. and imagining Him right beside me and then sort of talking to him. (i was in class mind you) I kind of started to recite all the things I know to be true about God, and then taking to them to heart and declaring them to be true in my own heart. I thought it was quite interesting. I've never been able to pray very well... There have been a few times when I knew God was listening but... only a few times. I can read the bible all I want - but the point is to make it real, make God real. I don't know why thats so difficult for me. to be personal with him.
I know that in order for me to be able to love people - I have to personally know the love that Christ has for me and let it dwell in me - so that it can flow out.

A short Rambling of Absolutely Nothing

I have come to the conclusion that, well, I don't actually really know - I have had the sudden urge to blog and at this very moment I actually have nothing to blog about that would be interesting. I have my concentration song going on - and the fact is I'm not even sure if I will post this post - as it is utterly pointless. However - I might just for the sake of doing something completely useless... I am actually just procrastinating - putting off the inevitable - yuck - writing a dreaded paper. Actually it should be somewhat effortless - as I pretty much get to pick the topic, however its just the idea of writing. which is ironic - because I love writing. Just not for others - somehow - the idea of something of mine written to be judged and critiqued just doesn't appeal - although I realize that there is the potential for this to happen on my site - it really counts and there is pressure - I don't like pressure. Anyways - something I have learned this week.. nothing epic but I'm jsut trying to think of something... Oh yes - I have learned that I have absolutely no determination and that I need serious makeover in my spiritual life. It has become pushed to the very bottom of my list. Or more its on the top of my list - and I just avoid it because I am scared of what I might be asked to do. However - something I was also reminded of this past week while writing a reflection on world religions was that fear is usually fear of the unknown. And you'll (I'll) never know something if I don't try it right? Blah - I have forgotten what it means to love people - and that makes me sad. I used to love seeing people smile - what made them smile made me smile - and now I feel as if I am just putting on a mask - i am not sure what the mask it self looks like - however - I know its a fascade. And yet I dont want to believe that it is.... ahhh oh well those are my ponderings for the day - I must get back to my 'scholarly work' - perhaps I will update you on my progress in getting rid of this mask =)
Adios

If today was your last day

Ok - so this is my temporary theme song - so sad that its nickleback but that is besides the point. Its just funny how so many people think about it and agree that we need to start living like its our last day - but how many of us actually ever do? I have been going through James with my small group and yesterday we went through Chapter 4 and the last verse kind of stuck out to me - I've heard it before so its nothing new but it was just kind of blunt.
"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins"
I also think of the wonderful gift that God has given each one of us. And I speak for myself when I say that it is often wasted with useless things. The time we have here on earth should be used carefully and dilligently. We are presented with opportunities everyday to do good, think good, and speak good into others - we just need to keep our eyes and ears peeled. OR rather just focused on the father above and we will be shown. So, we should not hesitate. Every moment is a moment that can be used for the greater glory of the one who made us. What holds us back from doing good except that which is our own selfish desire?

Self-Serving Sacrifice

I have officially been charged with living a self-serving faith. I don't know when or what I was doing when it hit me. I think it was when I was driving, as that is where I seem to do a lot of my pondering. Anyhow - I realized that a lot of what I do is for myself. My faith is for me. I am trying to find a way to explain it. I go to church with an underlying thought of church being something I need, and something that fills me up rather than a heart ready to worship a God that loves me and that is so powerful and amazing. It's almost a self worship. In reality, my faith in God, my relationship to him and with him is supposed to be one of servitude. I get fired up when people talk about serving God and that we should be so excited to serve him, yet there is always the thoughts on the back burner that it will solve all my problems because it will make me feel like a better person. It is actually amazing how unnoticed these thoughts have gone. They are all lies - very self serving ones at that. I should be doing it for the sole purpose of giving glory to God. I know it is possible.

I started this blog with the title Self Righteous rather than self serving but i thought it more fitting. Although I am that as well. I need to do everything myself and I always justify things by making silly excuses or brush it of or judge others more severely. I have forgotten what it means to love my neighbor as myself, and to be empathetic. I have forgotten to seek others stories and how to love without worrying about myself first. It is such a good feeling - but I never realized how quickly I forget to do so. It breaks my heart to look back at how almost fake I have been. I want to go back to loving for the sake of loving. Trusting in the one who first loved me.

A Borrowed Life and yet another Recurring Theme

As I've experienced many times... God likes to make themes of events and sermons and such. However - this weeks theme was Living a life on loan. or Live like its your last day (sort of)
There are cookie dough prints all over my keyboard right now - I was using it for baking recipes last night.
off track =) Anyhow... I'm sure I've already touched on this several times, but I guess that just means it is important. So often I find myself wasting time. Whether it be on the internet downloading, lounging around, contemplating studying, or just plain stalling. So many moments are wasted doing our own thing. I speak for myself on this more because that is what I have been doing lately. I wait for God to speak, move, do something spectacular, or something because my life feels empty. I am irritable, quick to judge, tired, and not on my game.

I am quick to try and convince myself that tomorrow I will try harder, tomorrow I will start doing the right thing. I want today to myself. Just one more day for myself. The sermon hit home.... because I know what I have to do and yet I honestly try and avoid it at all cost. God is waiting for me right now. Our lives are borrowed time and a gift from God. There are opportunities to serve God everyday. He is with us every step of the way and yet I am the first to exclude him from so many things. Things would be so different if I tried to walk every moment, not just when there is time. It is actually quite selfish to waste time - the more I think about it. If we claim to be christian then time is precious and we should be seeking for Gods best in every single moment.

- kind of a brief unedited version - =) I had to write it or I would forget

The Lament of a Believer in Exile

Ah, Jesus!

Where have you gone?

When did we lose you?
Was it when we became so certain that we possessed you
That we persecuted Jews,
Excommunicated doubters,
Burned Heretics,
And used violence and war to achieve conversion?
Was it when our first-century images
Collided with expanding knowledge?
Or when biblical scholars informed us that the Bible does
Not really support what we once believed?
Was it when we watched your followers distorting people
With guilt,
Fear,
Bigotry,
Intolerance,
And anger?
Was it when we noticed that many who called you Lord
And who read their Bibles regularly
Also practiced slavery,
Defended segregation,
Approved lynching,
Abused children,
Diminished women,
And hated homosexuals?
Was it when we finally realized
That the Jesus who promised abundant life
Could not be the source of self-hatred,
Or one who encourages us to grovel
In life-destroying penitence?
Was it when it dawned on us that serving you would require
The surrender of those security-building prejudices
That masquerade as our sweet sicknesses?
We still yearn for you, Jesus, but we no longer know where
To seek your presence.
Do we look for you in those churches that practice certainty?
Or are you hiding in those churches
That so fear controversy that they make "unity" a god,
And stand for so little that they die of boredom?
Can you ever be found in those churches that have
Rejected the powerless and the marginalized,
The lepers and the Samaritans of our day,
Those you called out brothers and sisters?
Or must we now look for you outside ecclesiastical setting,
Where love and kindness expect no reward,
Where questions are viewed as the deepest
Expressions of trust?
Is it even possible, Jesus, that we Christians are the villains Who killed you?
Smothering you underneath literal Bibles,
Dated creeds,
Irrelevant doctrines,
And dying structures?
If these things are the source of your disappearance, Jesus, Will you then reemerge if these things are removed?
Will that bring resurrection?
Or were you, as some now suggest, never more
Than an illusion?
By burying and distorting you were we
Simply protecting ourselves
From having to face that realization?
I still seek to possess what I believe you are, Jesus:
Access to and embodiment of
The source of Love,
The ground of Being,
A doorway into the mystery of holiness.
It is through that doorway I desire to walk.
Will you meet me there?
Will you challenge me,
Guide me,
Confront me,
Reveal your truth to me and in me?
Finally, at the end of this journey, Jesus,
Will you embrace me
Inside the ultimate reality
That I call God
In whom I live
And move
And having my being?

Read with Care....

Its funny how stubborn I become sometimes. I have nothing to write about and I wonder why this is... but when I think about it I already know the answer. I love to write about you. God. I easily and quickly become so caught up in things, busy with life, with things, thoughts, dreams, worries and forget that you are right there along with me doing those things with me and sometimes even for me. I let people, circumstances, events, things get in the way. I keep adding to my schedule and everytime I do I squeeze a little bit of you out. and now, here I am - back in the same place where I started last time. Wondering where you are - when in actual fact you are probably asking the same thing. I have forgotten how beautiful life is. The roses have not been smelt for a long time. I am kind of in a suspended mode right now. and i know that when you are not moving forward then you are not growing at all and with God we need to always be growing. This I have not been doing. I find it so easy to fall into a routine and forget the heart of the matter. I hate being considered a person of routine - yet so easily I fall in to that category. I go to church and see my friends and sing my favourite songs - I can even do harmony to most of them and i know the bible. sort of. and then you are forgotten. Even amongst all these 'godly' activities. I have forgotten how to love you and to love others as you loved them first. You are so beautiful - let us not forget. Show me your beauty new everyday.

Thoughts from the Aged and Lovely

I visited my Grandmother the other day. I love going there for tea. One because I love tea, two because I'm starting to learn that they love having me over and I have so much I can possibly learn from them. I usually like to have the mentality that I know a lot - not everything - just a lot. But my grandma is usually pretty blunt and without meaning to puts me in my place very quickly. As of late I have been trying to open up and tell her what I think because I know that she will reciprocate. And in doing so my grandma is quick to point out things in myself that I don't always like to acknowledge.

Yesterday the lesson was discipline. Man - I totally don't have it. I've known that for a long time. But its nice to know I am not alone. I was telling her all the things I was thinking about school, being scared of papers, wasting time on my computer, and things I want to do. My Grandma was kind enough to reaffirm that everyone struggles with discipline. It is one of the hardest things to achieve. One of my battles in life is how do I discipline myself? I honestly never really have had to be disciplined in anything. I always slack off and get away with whatever I can do. But I am tired of doing that because I know that there is so much more potential to enjoy things and achieve things that I would have never imagined. I want to do so many things - I want to serve God and to great things. But every time I think about these grandiose ideas the parable of the minas always comes to mind. How we need to be responsible with the little things before God entrusts us with the big things. AND - that the little things are just as important as the big things. There is no less meaning/significance in taking care of what we deem to be so little.

So, the lesson for me - or rather questions and challenges pour moi. What has God put me in charge of today, and be faithful with that. I have been slowly learning that Today is what counts - we cannot worry about tomorrow- and usually that is my first thought. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow, there is no guarantee except for what we have now today. How can I serve God today? what is the best use of my time? How do I go about finding out what you want for me - today and tomorrow. What does it look like to be still and know that God is God? How do I be bold and courageous and go about my daily task, and my life mission with confidence that God is right in front of me? Next is discipline. haha my worst enemy -and yet would be my best friend. How does one go about and train oneself to be disciplined? Je ne sais pas.

So many questions - and I feel like I have so few answers sometimes.

I dont think this is something you can just google.



What we are required to do now is STAND erect and look the world in the face and do our duty without fear or favour"
WINSTON CHURCHILL

A look into .....

I find myself thinking about what life will look like in oh say six years. I guess its understandable - partially because that is when I will be done school. I look back at how drastically my life and views and thoughts and ideas have changed in the past couple of years.... just how much more will things change? It brings mixed emotions, and of course being me the first one is worry. Not a bad worry all in all, but worry. And excitement, and intrigue are high up on the list. Pretty much I am at a point in my life where I can do virtually anything if I let God in, and if I put my mind to it. There is so many things that I want to do - hence the worry - because I feel like I cant just pick one - and I really want to pick the right one. As I learn more and more about God, this world, and other things I find myself discontent about more and more things. Not in myself (well actually thats a lie) but with the world - and the people all around me. How can I put love into this world? I feel so insignificant sometimes because there is so much hurt and need in this world. Where do we start? I am slowly starting to realize the truth in the verse: "he who is faithful with the small things will be responsible for many things" - I don't think thats exactly how it goes but anyways.... it makes sense. I think. But my purpose is to love. I don't know what that will look like when I am done school - and sometimes I am to worried about what the finished product will look like - and what I want it to look like. Rather than worrying about this present moment - or not worrying. Thats the wrong word. Focusing. I am slowly learning to focus in on what is relevant today. Tomorrow will come - and it will come nice and ready for me. God has given me this very minute - this day to do anything and everything that I possibly can to glorify him. I don't have to worry about the big picture. Not excessively anyways because its all theoretically taken care of. The hardest part is believing that - but its worth it. It kind of simplifies life and gets rid of a little bit of stress when I focus on today and focus on God. obviously - but easier said than done. Atleast for me. I'm trying to remember that I have been blessed with so much -
I have been:
Blessed to be a blessing


P.S. This picture is of my favourite t-shirt ever. I don't know who that is but props to the t-shirt.

Wisdom Love and Unity - All in One

So there's this verse in the bible - I think it says that we are supposed to love one another as much as we love ourselves. But that's not the one I was looking for.


I actually read 1 Corinthians 1 for my small group. There is nothing about love mentioned in this passage however, feel free to hear me out. So the first part of this passage talks about divisions in the church. My first question came from verse ten.

. "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought"

. Typical - What does this mean? however - I mean on what level, or to what extent does this remain applicable? Think about what our world looks like. Think about what Christians look like. Think about what denominations look like. Think about many groups of friends look like. We are divided beyond divided. I know for a fact that if I were to take this question to my parents church they would say that there should be agreement within a denomination. But if you look within denominations there is division. So I got to thinking - what would this look like? How cool would it look if people started to think with a discerning, yet open heart? What if - we took this passage literally? Shouldn't we be doing that anyways? I realise that this world is corrupt - and so ideally this would/should/could work - but reality is- not everyone will agree. But I ask this question.. what differences are so great that cause so much division between ourselves? What are the fundamental beliefs of being a Christian? I think that most of us would probably agree on the same things - God - three persons and yet one (call it a trinity or not) is ruler of all - knows all, is everywhere, and is just, holy, and perfect Jesus - The saviour of the nations - died and lived again - a perfect life to redeem us, a fallen people We - are the body of Christ, called to go and make disciples of all nations - baptizing them, to glorify God, and to be Holy I don't want to start a debate or anything - but why does it seem so simple? I know there are many other things that are included in the Christian faith but so many of us are hard of heart (including myself), so prideful, and we believe that everyone should see it our way. If we have to change our way of thinking that would mean several things. It would entail that we were possibly wrong, that we might have to suck somethings up, that we might have to actually humble ourselves and show people we are not perfect. I don't know - maybe I am simplifying things way too much. But I believe that there are things that everyone could benefit from every denomination. Everyone says that there is not one church... so why is it so hard to come together as one body.

The note on verse 13 sends us to Chapter 12:12-13 .

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were baptized by one spirit into one body - whether Jew or Greek, slave or free - and we were all given the one spirit to drink"

. the study note = a unit...many parts. This example illustrates the unity and diversity of the different spiritual gifts exercised by God's people, who are all members of the one body of Christ.


. So what comes to my mind when I read this verse. I see many different people (obviously) - but I see that believing this verse has powerful connotations. I just believe that if everyone could put aside their differences - and love we would see a new movement. What would the true body of Christ look like? God has made us all different - so we shouldn't have to conform to one type of worship, to one way of connecting to God. Now I'm not referring to moral relativism or anything, but I think that we could learn a lot from what others have to say. If we were not so closed minded, or afraid to be pushed out of our comfort zone - into something different. We need a wake up call. No one is going anywhere until we clean up our act.

I think I kind of rambled a little... and Im not sure if i ended up making a point there but anyways - that was what was running through my mind when I read this part of the chapter. We could do great things - if we came together as one body. Maybe I am thinking too big maybe I am not.

All right so the second Part talks about the wisdom and power of God. Every time I read this section - it brings me to my knees. Verse 25 is one of my favorites

" For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength"

The Irony (if that is the right word) sort of just strikes me. To state the obvious - God is not foolish, ever. Nor is He weak. But we sometimes start thinking that we are so wise, so smart - we have it all figured out, and that we can handle it all. So it kind of stops us in our tracks - just plainly says right out that even God' worst -if that's even possible - is infinitely better than our 'best'. So that is one thing i pulled from this. The second thing that I thought about this verse was that when we do not know what is going on that even though God's plans may seem foolish to us - its better than what we could plan out. So sort of similar. Now as I go back and read the entire section and the history of the passage - its just basically clarifying the awesome power of our God. He is putting down the philosophers of that time and saying that God is the only one where wisdom comes from. He shows his wisdom and glory through the small things so that we might not boast in ourselves. Pretty smart if you think about it. Anyways - its just awesome how God chooses to work because it means that we must constantly keep our ears, eyes, minds and hearts open. Because we do not always know when God will 'show up' and make himself known. And the excellent closing for the day =)

"Let him who boast, boast in the Lord"

Boast in Him always - in everything we do.

Writing to Define

As there are many different forms of spirituality and belief systems, so there are many different ideas of what spiritual beauty really means. If beauty is defined as the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense or deep satisfaction to the mind, then I would submit that, from a Christian point of view, spiritual beauty encompasses the entire journey which one takes with God. This includes the personal relationship, the trials and the triumphs of everyday life, as well as the community and fellowship that is experienced when two or more Christians are gathered. It is like a play; we watch with great anticipation because we do not know how the end will turn out. Once it is finished we can sit back and be satisfied for we know how it turned out and we understand the events in the middle which we did not understand right away.

The deepest satisfaction found in all things spiritual is having a personal relationship with the creator. There is nothing more beautiful than knowing who God is and the love that he has for us. When we talk regularly to God and begin to form that relationship with him, daily life and our ultimate purpose become clearer. We worry less about what is to come and can find satisfaction in the knowledge that God is our friend in all circumstances. It is not a tedious task to have are relationship with God but rather a meaningful bond which, when given enough time, turns into something very beautiful.

Though life may look ugly and dismal at times we must remember to think of the bigger picture which we belong to. God says that when we are weak, then he is strong. This means that God shows his glory through us not when we are always at our best, but when it is evident that we cannot get by on our own strength. It is then when Gods beauty shines through most brightly. If we look at different stories through out history we see that God has greater things planned than we could ever imagine. We cannot always see how things make sense right away, however if we are patient we will remember that God has got both the bad and good under control and will make a masterpiece out of it all.

Personal triumphs give us a very intense feeling of satisfaction. When we overcome temptations or struggles with help from peers or from God. When God convicts us to help the hurting person next to us, or tells us to just listen to a friend in need something beautiful has started. When we are pushed out of our comfort zone to speak against something that is wrong when we know it means ridicule, the fact we can rest in Gods strength and approval is spiritual beauty. When we finally bow our knee and submit everything to our father, there is spiritual beauty.

The most powerful event to watch is when a group of believers come together and listen to what God has to say. Where two or three are gathered, there God is. When believers get together and pray, love and serve together, great things happen when God is the center focus. Great satisfaction can be derived from doing the work of God with fellow believers. Lives are changed when people reach out and love the surrounding community. Spiritual beauty is realised when the purpose of God is wilfully carried out by believers because God has been glorified, and we have been enriched as well as the non-believers. Something beautiful has come out of obedience.


So many things can be attributed to spiritual beauty. Living a spiritually satisfying life is one of the most beautiful things a person can do. We often look at the elderly and the wise in the church and look at them in awe because they have lived beautiful lives. They have been through the ups and downs, they have worked very hard to know, love and serve God as individuals and as well as with fellow believers and they are an example of what spiritual beauty looks like in whole. We who have many years ahead of us can only see a part of the play we are in. We might not be able to see spiritual beauty in its entirety in our own lives, however if we look to others we can have a taste of what is to come if we persevere. Spiritual beauty will unfold itself in each of our walks in different ways.

All The World's a Stage

It is hard to grasp who we are and how we define ourselves sometimes. I like to think of myself as independent and not easily swayed by others opinions, but in reality there are many forces of which i am very ignorant of that persuade how I think. While reading my sociology - I find myself very intrigued by all the different ideas and realities that are presented to me. I sit here in awe of things which I have been so naive to in the past. I am wrestling with the fact that everything I am today is the product of what other people think and do. To a certain extent it is inevitable and unavoidable, however how many of us are content with the way things are. I am not. I like the idea of dependency on community and others, but not the idea that we feel like we must conform to all the norms. The norms I am referring to are these: emotions, humor, equality, status, roles and many more. Who defines these? and what gives them the right to do this? Why do people feel the need to conform to belong? is this wrong? I hate the idea of just going with the flow - it hasn't seemed to get us very far. It is also interesting as we look back on our lives and wonder what lies ahead. How many parts will we play in this world? What parts will we choose to play? Will they be leading characters? will they be parts that are remembered? Or will they be parts that have a role in the plot development and changes? Will we be in the background - hardly noticeable?
'




All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.
- William Shakespeare (As You Like It, act 2, scene 7)

Just a Thing

So I am totally winging this blog,
Haven't written for several months.
God is Good -
I have come to a realization - actually more than one - but it is this:
Trusting God is the only way to live my life - it is hard and confusing sometimes but I have found no other solution. There is this excitment in my life that won't go away (I don't want it too) Everyone always talks about it wearing off and then you get into a doldrum - a dessert place. But Frankly I don't see this happening. I feel as if I have unlocked this secret door. Everything I do - I just want to be the best and do it for God. I mean of course if you know me you know I fail - but I don't become discouraged anymore! I have found my hope and salvation and I wish thewhole wide world would see. My purpose in life is to serve. To let everyone know - to spread the love that I have. I have never found joy such as this before. I am satisfied with what I have and seek to give it all away. People have become more important than things. Giving love is more important than recieving it. There are so many things I know that I need to work on, but discouragement has been permanently banished! God lifts me up when I need it - be it through self-realization, scripture or other people in my life. I want to love like God loves me. I want to serve others as Jesus has served me. I want to humble myself, be the last in all things.

For some reason I just get it.

I know how I want to live my life and nothing can stop me. I read 'screwtape letters' by C.S. Lewis and there was a paragraph - hopefully I can convey it properly, but as the devils try and persuade us to their side they get close to us and put thoughts in our minds and put things and people across our paths. The same way God works - it is this battle. Anyways, in this exerpt it describes the patient being surrounded by a cloud of asphixyating smoke - the cause? they are so close to God. God is with them and heare aware of it. So these demons cannot 'access' this patient because of the state they are in. I feel as if this is the state I am in. It goes onto decribe that some 'patients' are permanently like this and they are 'lost' to the other side (Gods side). I thought that was just the mosti ntruiging way of looking at it. I want to be permanently in that state, where I know that noting evil will sway me.

"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
again"

This is the chorus to a song that I have on permanent loop right now. Its just like the words Jumped out at me. Pretty self-explanatory - but this is how i want to live =)

A list of things

1 Peter 2:11-12 " Dear Friends I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your sould. Live such good lives among the pagans that, through you they may see your good deeds and glorify God...."
note on vs. 12 - the pagans' evaluation is not a "snap judgement" - the greek word translated 'see' refers to a careful watching over a period of time.
verse 13 " Submit yourselves for the Lords sake to every authority."
verse 16 " live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover up for evil; live as servants of God."
verse 17 - show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
1 Peter 3:8-9 " Live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, lvoe as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing."

Chapter 4:1 " Therefore since christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude.... not for evil human desires but rather for the will of God.
verse 7-8 " Therefore be clearminded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above al, love eachother deeply because lvoe covers a multitude of sins."
verse 9 offer hospitality without grumbling
verse 10 " use whatever gift he has recieved gift you have received to serve others
** --> if you speak or serve - do it with the strength of God to that in all things He is praised.

A Beginning

1 Peter 1:13 " Therefore prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when youlived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do"

- How do we prepare our minds for action? * study note says that readers should be prepared for physical action (Jer 1:17 = get yourselves ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you.(to be taken literally)

- Be Selfcontrolled and do not conform.

- We are to be holy just as Christ was holy.

Holy = Set apart, separated from sin and impurity. *note see exodus 3:5 = holiness involves being consecrated to the Lord's service. Hebrews 12:14 " Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see God."

1 Peter 1:22 "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart" (brothers = fellow believers(Rom1:13))

1 Peter 2:1 " Therefore, rid yourself of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of everykind."

Malice = a desire to inflict injusy, harm or suffering on another because of hostile impule or deep-seated meaness.

Slander= a false, malicious statement or report about someone.

Hypocrisy= a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religous beliefs that one does not really possess

Prayer

"Hear my voice when I call to you

May my prayer be set before you like incense

May the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice

Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord

Keep watch over the door of my lips

Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil,

To take part in wicked deeds,

with men who are evildoers;

Let me not eat of their delecacies

Let a righteous man strike me - it is a kindness;

Let him rebuke me - it is oil on my head

My Head will not refuse it."

- Psalm 141:1-5

How Shall I Live - Intro

So, I've been reading the bible - I started from Genesis and now I am in Ezra... I figured it would be a good idea seeing as I have never actually read the bible in its entirety. Unfortunately it does get a little bit repetitive, so I decided that in keeping with that I would also add to my reading a theme. I have read through lots of the new testament before so I know the just of it... Now I want to go through it looking for "how I should live" and kind of go in depth, sort of like what I did with Proverbs. So instead of people telling me how I should live, and how they think it should be Im going to be 'doing my homework'. Journaling my thoughts and research and such. Of course it won't be like professional or anything but it helps me to keep track.. and for anyone who follows along. I don't know why - but I started in 1st Peter, but I will be going through the whole new testament in chunks and I will also be adding things from the old testament as well when they come up.

Humbling Myself

" This very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people." - C.S. Lewis

Its kind of like do unto others.... but not really. Sort of inverted, or backwards? I am not to sure what I am trying to say. Or maybe it is an addition to the verse itself. Because Really, how ca nwe expect people to do things when we ourselves are not willing to to them. Its like telling a child to eat their vegitables and yet refusing to eat your own. People work better by example. Its like the secular song by John Mayer " Waiting for the world to change"

We keep on waiting, waiting. Instead of getting off our duffs and doing it ourselves. Why is that? We often forget the power of one person - and especially the power of one person with Jesus by his side. If everyone thought that way all the time where would we be today? Now its not necessarily the concept of hypocrisy - saying you shouldn't litter and then going and doing it yourself. Rather it's the idea of seeing a littered sidewalk, walking by and commenting on how awful it looks instead of picking up some of the stuff that is in your path or rallying people to clean up that neighborhood. But it goes deeper than littering and small things like this. When we examine ourselves and our attitudes towards things we see that this is true of most everyone.

I think I am making this more complicated and complex than it really is. but for some reason I feel the need to expand on the above quote. Perhaps it is because deeper down I know that it is an attitude adjustment that I myself need to make. Is it not true that when there is a disagreement that I always want the other person to be the bigger person? I want an apology or a 'yes you were right'? Is it not true that many relationships are ruined because of this. Of course there may be legitimate reasons but does not God himself call us to be humble? That we are to love unconditionally and forgive our trangressors seventy times seven times? What does it mean to love unconditionally.... and who deserves my unconditional love?

Unconditional:

1. not contingent; not determined or influenced by someone or something else
2. not limited by conditions; absolute: an unconditional promise.

I think as Christians we are required to live by this standard. That when we become a christian our emotions and attitudes should not be influeneced by anything or anyone but the one Above. It is absolute.

Before we can expect others to live by the standards we have set we must do two things - we must first ask "where do my standards come from?" when they are coming from God, not taken bit by bit but the whole lot of them, then we can be sure that they are right. They are absolute and do not sway from person to person - there are no exceptions for billy and sue because of their situations. God calls us to standards individually and I think that once we realise that and the idea that what billy and sue do today are not the ultimate cause of my attitude, (does this make sense?) we will start doing what is right (without being swayed or influenced by anything else) What they do might hurt me or it might be their fault, who knows... but we cannot be prideful. Even if they are in the wrong God calls us to live by the same standards he calls Billy and Sue to. So we are not supposed to wait on them to do the right thing. It would be nice - but that is not what is required of us. The second thing is that we must live by these standards ourselves, which I already have mentioned. Our priorities cannot be watching how other people live and do things, we should be focused on doing the right thing ouselves.

Right?