You're Fooling Yourself

This is a blog that I got this morning - I loved it. I hope to keep it stored away in my memory. I hope to constantly apply it - as I know that I'm constantly in need of a lot of grace! I thought I would pass it along


There's loads of knowledge to be found, but wisdom is a rare commodity. Why? Because wisdom is one of sin's first casualties. It's hard to admit, but true none the less: sin reduces all of us to fools. And the fact is that no one is more victimized by your foolishness than you are.You see the empirical evidence of the foolishness of sin on almost every page of Scripture. For example, you see foolishness in full operation in the tragic story of David and Bathsheba. This is why David says, "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place" (Psalm 51:6 NIV).You read the story of David's sin, and you say to yourself, "What was he thinking? Did he really believe that he'd get away with this? Did he completely forget who he was? Did he think that God was going to stand idly by and let this happen?" But David is not some extreme case of foolishness gone wild; you see evidence of the same foolishness in each of our lives daily. People could say of us again and again, "What was he thinking? What was she thinking?"What does foolishness look like? Here are four of its most significant aspects.1) The Foolishness of Self-centerednessWe were created to live for something, someone bigger than ourselves. We were designed to live with, for, and through the Lord. God is meant to be the motivation and hope of everything we do. His pleasure, his honor, and his will are the things for which we are meant to live. But the foolishness of sin really does cause us to reduce our lives to the size and shape of our lives.Often our living has no greater purpose than self-satisfaction and self-fulfillment. Does this sound harsh? Well, ask yourself, "Why do I ever get impatient with others?" "Why do I ever say things I shouldn't say?" "Why do I get discouraged with my circumstances?" "Why do I give way to anger or give in to self-pity?" The answer is that, like me, you want your own way, and when things don't go your way or people are in your way, you lash out in anger or you turn inward in discouragement.2) The Foolishness of Self-deceptionWe're all very good at making ourselves feel good about what God says is bad. We're all very skilled at recasting what we've done so what was wrong doesn't look so wrong to us. I'll tell myself that I didn't really lash out in anger; no, I was speaking as one of God's prophets. I'll tell myself that that second look wasn't lust; I am simply a man who enjoys beauty. I'll tell myself that I'm not craving power; I'm just exercising God-given leadership gifts.Foolishness is able to do something dangerous. It's able to look at wrong and see right. Had David been able to see himself with accuracy and if he'd been able to see his sin for what it really was, it's hard to imagine that he would have continued to travel down that pathway.3) The Foolishness of Self-sufficiencyWe all like to think of ourselves as more independently capable than we actually are. We weren't created to be independent, autonomous, or self-sufficient. We were made to live in a humble, worshipful, and loving dependency upon God and in a loving and humble interdependency with others.Our lives were designed to be community projects. Yet, the foolishness of sin tells us that we have all that we need within ourselves. So we settle for relationships that never go beneath the casual. We defend ourselves when the people around us point out a weakness or a wrong. We hold our struggles within, not taking advantage of the resources that God has given us.The lie of the garden was that Adam and Eve could be like God, independent and self-sufficient. We still tend to buy into that lie.4) The Foolishness of Self-righteousnessWhy don't we celebrate grace more? Why aren't we more amazed by the wonderful gifts that are ours as the children of God? Why don't we live with a deep sense of need, coupled with a deep sense of gratitude for how each need has been met by God's grace? Well, the answer is clear. You'll never celebrate grace as much as you should when you think you're more righteous than you actually are.Grace is the plea of sinners. Mercy is the hope of the wicked. Acceptance is the prayer of those who know that they could never do anything to earn it. But the foolishness of sin makes me righteous in my own eyes.When I tell my stories, I become more the hero than I ever was. I look wiser in my narratives than I could have been. In my view of my history, my choices were better than what they actually were. Often it isn't my sin that keeps me from coming to God. Sadly, I don't come to him because I don't think I need the grace that can be found only in him.Here is what all of us must face, sin really does reduce us all to fools, but happily the story doesn't end there. The One who is the ultimate source of everything that's good, true, trustworthy, right, and wise is also a God of amazing grace.You don't get freed from your foolishness by education or experience. You don't get wisdom by research and analysis. You get wisdom by means of a relationship with the One who is Wisdom.The radical claim of the Bible is that wisdom isn't first a book, or a system, or a set of commands or principles. No, wisdom is a person, and his name is Jesus Christ. When you and I are graced into acceptance with him, we're drawn into a personal relationship with Wisdom, and Wisdom begins a lifelong process of freeing us from the stronghold that the foolishness of sin has on us. We aren't yet completely free, but there will be a day when our every thought, desire, choice, action, and word will be fundamentally wise!It makes such sense then, that a repentant man (David) would reflect on his need for wisdom. Sin, in reducing us to fools, causes us to do foolish things, even though we think we're wise. And for this we need more than information, education, and experience. We need exactly what we find in Christ—grace.Wisdom is the product of grace; there is simply nowhere else it can be found.

Conforming to the Image of Christ

The obvious fact that we all sin can create an atmosphere of false security among us, leading us to accept with ease the idea that sin is so commonplace that we ought not to be too bothered by it lest we surrender our mental health to a self-deprecating neurosis. Yet in our desire to console ourselves and maintain a good self-image, we may push to the back burner the mandate of God, “Be you holy, even as I am holy.”
Evangelical Christians are most vulnerable to succumbing to this distortion. We stress the fact that our justification is by faith alone and insist that our righteousness is found in Christ alone. Though these assertions are true, it is equally true that the faith by which we are justified is a faith that brings forth fruit in our lives. The slogan of the Reformation was that we are justified by faith alone, but not by a faith that is alone.
The instant true faith is present in the heart of the believer, the process of sanctification begins. Change begins at once. The Christian begins to be conformed to the image of Christ. We are becoming holy. If we are not becoming holy, then Christ is not in us and our profession of faith is empty.

What Is a Holy Life? - by John Sartelle

“But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do” (1 Peter 1:15 ). “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul” ( 1 Peter 2:11). “Do not love the world or anything in the world” (1 John 2:15). These verses have been used throughout the history of Christendom by sincere religious folk to mislead generations on what it means to live a Christian life. These verses have been used to build monasteries to avoid contact with the world. They have been used to isolate Christian communities. They have been used to keep Christians from using electricity, driving cars, using modern appliances, and wearing modern or fashionable clothing. They have been used to keep Christians from using lipstick, makeup, or wearing jewelry. They have been used to keep Christians from attending the movies, sporting events, and dances.However, God did not intend for these verses to be applied in such ways.

John Fischer wrote Real Christians Don’t Dance in 1988. It is a satirical title and work. The book was written to help Christians escape the trivial pursuits of false holiness. In the opening chapter, he told of his stand for Christ in the fifth grade. Do you know what stand that he took for Christ in that fifth grade year? Each week he carried a note from his parents excusing him from social dancing during the gym and recreation session when it was taught. He said his parents and his church compared his stand to Daniel in Babylon.

Think about it — in the fifth grade the Christian community taught John Fischer that being a Christian meant that you could not learn to dance with the other children. Fischer wrote: “So this is it? This is what is comes down to: real Christians don’t dance? Moses parted the water for this? Rahab tucked away the spies for this? Jael drove a tent peg into the head of Sisera for this? Jesus died and rose again, martyrs were sawn in two, and the church has prevailed for almost two thousand years against the gates of hell so that Christians today can live out this ever important testimony to the waiting and watching world: real Christians don’t dance.”

This view of individual holiness has caused Christians to live hesitant and dull lives. Somehow we have come to think that holiness is limited to an affinity for prayer and Bible study. However, there are things in God’s creation that we should love with a passion: music, the mountains, fishing, concerts, games, physical exercise, food, dancing, plays, literature, marriage, having children, business, teaching, banking, school, traveling, the beach, friends, astronomy, biology — the list is endless.

So what then is true holiness? Jesus said it best. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul and love your neighbor as yourself … all the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matt 22:37–40). All the Law and all the prophets are summed up in these two commandments; thus, our lives, our holiness, can be summed up in those two commandments.

Loving God first in my life, means that in everything I am doing I love Him first. I see and hear this world through His eyes and His ears and with His heart. We have completely lost what that means as Christians. When we get home we will discover that we did not love His creation nearly as much as we should have.

The unholy life approaches all of these things with “me, myself, and I” at the center. Jesus was saying that God belongs at the center of whatever we are doing. We, as sinners, tend to put the thing itself — or ourselves — at the center.

George Orwell described the emptiness of self-centered, unholy living in a story he told in one of his essays. He described a wasp that was sucking jam from his plate. Orwell cut the wasp in half. The wasp just kept sucking the sweet jam from the plate as it poured out the other end from his severed esophagus. Like the wasp, unholy living sucks on God’s creation and never knows real satisfaction. Because there is no real “soul fulfillment,” the world’s enjoyment and passion will finally ebb.

In The Fall, Albert Camus pictured a lawyer who approached sex in this manner. It was strictly pleasure for the moment without the God-intended characteristics of love, life-long commitment, unselfishness, communication, and spiritual union. In the end, he abandoned sexual activity because of indifference and boredom; he had lost all passion for what he was doing. He saw himself as an empty wax facade.

Unholy living does not enjoy God’s creation too much — it falls far short of enjoying it enough. Holiness finds satisfaction and fulfillment in all of life. That “soul satisfaction” feeds and grows a passion for life. The holy life revolves around God in every place at every moment. It is a life of passion, fulfillment, meaning, and eternity.

From Ligonier Ministries and R.C. Sproul. © Tabletalk magazine. Website: www.ligonier.org/tabletalk. Email: tabletalk@ligonier.org. Toll free: 1-800-435-4343.

God's Will for Your Life: Follow Jesus, and Do Something

a snippet from Kevin DeYoung's book from last year, Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will. I think it pretty well sums up the entire book (though I would still recommend reading all of it).Simply put, God's will is your growth in Christlikeness. God promises to work all things together for our good that we might be conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29). . . . God never assures us of health, success, or ease. But He promises us something even better: He promises to make us loving, pure, and humble like Christ. In short, God's will is that you and I get happy and holy in Jesus.So go marry someone, provided you're equally yoked and you actually like being with each other. Go get a job, provided it's not wicked. Go live somewhere in something with somebody or nobody. But put aside the passivity and the quest for complete fulfillment and the perfectionism and the preoccupation with the future, and for God's sake start making some decisions in your life. Don't wait for the liver-shiver. If you are seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, you will be in God's will, so just go out and do something.

So, I read through the second half of Psalm 119 last night. I never realized how much he talks about Gods perfect laws/precepts/statutes and whatever other synonyms you can think of. Practically every other verse mentions something about it. It got me thinking about how I keep telling myself that I don't know where to start in my spiritual walk with God - but this Psalm made something clear to me. That I need to just simply seek after the heart of God and his laws and precepts. It's not really complicated at all (as my brain likes to make things occasionally). Studying and learning about what God commands of us is the first step to doing. If I don't make myself familiar with who God is and what he wans for our lives - how on earth am I going to even start living it out? That is why we are told to write it on our hearts.

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" I Have hidden your word in my heart so that I might not sin against you" - Psalm 119:11

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"If God's word is carved in our hearts, we will be more able to resist the assaults of Satan and therefore the prophet desires God to instruct him daily more and more in it" - Geneva Study bible

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"Hid- I have laid it up in my mind like a choice trasure, to be ready upon all occasions to counsel, quicken, or caution me." - John Wesley's Notes on the bible

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These pretty much sum up what I'm thinking. I didn't even mean for the verse to be from Psalm 119, nor wesley's comment to completely tie in my thoughts about even my previous blog (storing up treasures in heavan rather than here on earth) Slowly it all comes together.

A short exerpt from my life

I got two out of three pairs of shoes in yesterday, I love them both. The one pair of strap sandals I can’t really wear to work but they are pretty. The other ones and super nice. I have a taupe colored pair coming in this afternoon hopefully so I am interested in what they are going to look like. No more plain shoes for me. I have to make sure I don’t get too obsessed. I was talking to mom about shopping being a potential addiction. You get your temporary fix after buying a cute pair of shoes and a nice top. You feel better about yourself because your wardrobe is what completes you as a person. It is scary, because it only lasts for a little bit and then you feel the effects of guilt and dissatisfaction. That is why my closet is so full of things I don’t even really like. I convince myself that I need them at the time of purchase and that this is what I need to make my wardrobe complete. I can identify the problem. I convince myself that I don’t have enough clothes for work and that I have to keep up with the current trends. What qualifies as just enough and what then qualifies as excessive? I guess the fact that I have 20 pairs of pants is a little bit excessive, and the fact that I have probably about the same amount to t-shits, not to mention sweatshirts, jeans, sweaters and jackets. I also have about 12 or so dresses that I have worn once or not at all. I have only worn a handful of them more than once. There is always something missing from my closet. Now that I think back it seems as if ever since I started buying my own clothes that there has never been enough variety or enough of the stylish stuff that looks good on me. Instead of being thankful for what I do have and making use of what I do have I feel upset and not good enough to face the day. I should be finding satisfaction in the things that really matter in the end like family, friends and relationships rather than in what I look like and how much of a cool factor or a beautiful factor I have for that set period of time. Beauty fades, and clothing is temporary. I can’t take it with me and ultimately my treasure is where my heart lies. I don’t want my heart to be stuck here on earth.

I have no ideas for a title - so I'll just go with the flow. I figure now that I am back from my epic adventure I have a little time to reflect. Hands down most dynamic trip I have ever been on - I can hardly say best because every trip has awesome aspects. Spiritually - God was good. I kept a journal to record two things... the events of the day, and my personal thoughts/prayers.. whatever I felt like talking about that day. I started the trip with a hard heart towards what God was capable of doing on the trip and also skeptical about what I would be capable of learning. I started out feeling super lost - this cause because of a Facade that I had become very good at putting on. I felt unworthy - as so often it comes down to because of how many times I've messed up and how badly I've messed up this time. Anyways without getting into unnecessary detail - first few days into the trip I was hoping with all my heart out of pure and absolute desperation that God would do something, teach me, mold me, push me, challenge me. I'll have you note that I had just as much doubt that he actually would, but as the days unfolded I started to listen and engage in stimulating conversations with people in the group which I would soon call friends. I cried out to God nightly - and he answered. I was able to become friends with some amazing people - who showed me that I am not alone in my struggles.
Some profound things that I learned -
1.-'It is not easy to befriend God' - probably the most comforting quote of the trip only because it has been my primary stumbling block and to hear that from someone that I respect as a leader. It takes work - which may seem obvious to some people - but to someone like me who is used to seeing results right away it was a wonderful awakening
2. - The wonderful meaning behind monasticism - there is so much behind this practice. Going and spending time with a monk father, watching them pray, even though I could not understand them, learning about what it means to be a monk and the different practices. I used to think it was strictly solitude from the world - and boy was I shown different. They seek solitude to spend more time with God, but more than that its about not owning anything - which is huge. nothing becomes more important than God. And Something which was quoted many times on the trip was from a founding father - Basil the Great 'If we live alone, whose feet will we wash?'
3. - Servanthood, The first characteristic of Christian leadership according to Paul's sermon in Thyateria, recorded in the book of acts - chapter unknown. Anyhow - something struck a chord deep down when we were listening to My prof preach about this in the theater. All of a sudden I was like that's what I've been doing wrong - my motives have ALWAYS been self serving or counting the cost for myself. I have not been a servant. I dont even know what it means to be a servant. So my prayer thus begun to become a servant of Gods will, and that I would always have my ears open and my heart like soft clay ready to be shaped.
I'll end here before y'all get bored - thanks for reading!

Survival

Ah! So I survived my second semester - and my first year. It feels like I just barely passed. the amount of stress that has been alleviated is enormous. So many things were running through my mind. Now it feels like I can finally function somewhat normally. My thought process is slowly returning to a steady pace. Wow. That's pretty much all I have to say. Life is completely different being back in school. Taking the bus downtown brings back a flood of memories. It is tempting to want to go back - but I suppose that now I can think somewhat reasonably - the reward of actually finishing something challenging and finishing it well is insurmountable. Nothing compares - and all the times I thought about quitting - make me want to finish all the more. I just have to remember this feeling when things get tough. I know how much I wanted to quit and how good it feels to have pushed through. The thoughts of quitting are slowly dissolving. I just need time to analyse the entire picture - which I have been unable to do. My judgement gets altered very quickly when things get difficult. I like to run away, avoid and hide. Now that I know this about myself - I must find my support and my strength in someone other than myself. Someone stronger than my stubborness and pride - because I have a lot of both. The obvious option is Jesus - because he is stronger than me in everyway. I suppose I am just always scared to go that route. Sometimes I don't even know if I fully believe in that route. Most of me wants to - but I guess I know how difficulte it is. Which we've already figured out is something im not good at... sticking to things that are difficult. But Im tired of making excuses

No Title

Something that I have yet to grasp in its fullness - is the presence of God in my life.
- I know all the right things - like yeah he is everywhere, always with me, cares about us and isn't just the big guy in the sky. But yet I go about my daily tasks as if I am alone - I try to conquer everything by myself, because I am the only one who understands me. I've heard the preacher speak about inviting God to spend every moment with us... but who actually really does that and is successful. It sounds all good and nice but I haven't been able to do it. Skeptical - maybe. Anyways, how do we get to that point of realizing Gods presence around us all the time?
- for me this morning, it was just kind of declaring the fact that God is right beside me. and imagining Him right beside me and then sort of talking to him. (i was in class mind you) I kind of started to recite all the things I know to be true about God, and then taking to them to heart and declaring them to be true in my own heart. I thought it was quite interesting. I've never been able to pray very well... There have been a few times when I knew God was listening but... only a few times. I can read the bible all I want - but the point is to make it real, make God real. I don't know why thats so difficult for me. to be personal with him.
I know that in order for me to be able to love people - I have to personally know the love that Christ has for me and let it dwell in me - so that it can flow out.

A short Rambling of Absolutely Nothing

I have come to the conclusion that, well, I don't actually really know - I have had the sudden urge to blog and at this very moment I actually have nothing to blog about that would be interesting. I have my concentration song going on - and the fact is I'm not even sure if I will post this post - as it is utterly pointless. However - I might just for the sake of doing something completely useless... I am actually just procrastinating - putting off the inevitable - yuck - writing a dreaded paper. Actually it should be somewhat effortless - as I pretty much get to pick the topic, however its just the idea of writing. which is ironic - because I love writing. Just not for others - somehow - the idea of something of mine written to be judged and critiqued just doesn't appeal - although I realize that there is the potential for this to happen on my site - it really counts and there is pressure - I don't like pressure. Anyways - something I have learned this week.. nothing epic but I'm jsut trying to think of something... Oh yes - I have learned that I have absolutely no determination and that I need serious makeover in my spiritual life. It has become pushed to the very bottom of my list. Or more its on the top of my list - and I just avoid it because I am scared of what I might be asked to do. However - something I was also reminded of this past week while writing a reflection on world religions was that fear is usually fear of the unknown. And you'll (I'll) never know something if I don't try it right? Blah - I have forgotten what it means to love people - and that makes me sad. I used to love seeing people smile - what made them smile made me smile - and now I feel as if I am just putting on a mask - i am not sure what the mask it self looks like - however - I know its a fascade. And yet I dont want to believe that it is.... ahhh oh well those are my ponderings for the day - I must get back to my 'scholarly work' - perhaps I will update you on my progress in getting rid of this mask =)
Adios

If today was your last day

Ok - so this is my temporary theme song - so sad that its nickleback but that is besides the point. Its just funny how so many people think about it and agree that we need to start living like its our last day - but how many of us actually ever do? I have been going through James with my small group and yesterday we went through Chapter 4 and the last verse kind of stuck out to me - I've heard it before so its nothing new but it was just kind of blunt.
"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins"
I also think of the wonderful gift that God has given each one of us. And I speak for myself when I say that it is often wasted with useless things. The time we have here on earth should be used carefully and dilligently. We are presented with opportunities everyday to do good, think good, and speak good into others - we just need to keep our eyes and ears peeled. OR rather just focused on the father above and we will be shown. So, we should not hesitate. Every moment is a moment that can be used for the greater glory of the one who made us. What holds us back from doing good except that which is our own selfish desire?

Self-Serving Sacrifice

I have officially been charged with living a self-serving faith. I don't know when or what I was doing when it hit me. I think it was when I was driving, as that is where I seem to do a lot of my pondering. Anyhow - I realized that a lot of what I do is for myself. My faith is for me. I am trying to find a way to explain it. I go to church with an underlying thought of church being something I need, and something that fills me up rather than a heart ready to worship a God that loves me and that is so powerful and amazing. It's almost a self worship. In reality, my faith in God, my relationship to him and with him is supposed to be one of servitude. I get fired up when people talk about serving God and that we should be so excited to serve him, yet there is always the thoughts on the back burner that it will solve all my problems because it will make me feel like a better person. It is actually amazing how unnoticed these thoughts have gone. They are all lies - very self serving ones at that. I should be doing it for the sole purpose of giving glory to God. I know it is possible.

I started this blog with the title Self Righteous rather than self serving but i thought it more fitting. Although I am that as well. I need to do everything myself and I always justify things by making silly excuses or brush it of or judge others more severely. I have forgotten what it means to love my neighbor as myself, and to be empathetic. I have forgotten to seek others stories and how to love without worrying about myself first. It is such a good feeling - but I never realized how quickly I forget to do so. It breaks my heart to look back at how almost fake I have been. I want to go back to loving for the sake of loving. Trusting in the one who first loved me.

A Borrowed Life and yet another Recurring Theme

As I've experienced many times... God likes to make themes of events and sermons and such. However - this weeks theme was Living a life on loan. or Live like its your last day (sort of)
There are cookie dough prints all over my keyboard right now - I was using it for baking recipes last night.
off track =) Anyhow... I'm sure I've already touched on this several times, but I guess that just means it is important. So often I find myself wasting time. Whether it be on the internet downloading, lounging around, contemplating studying, or just plain stalling. So many moments are wasted doing our own thing. I speak for myself on this more because that is what I have been doing lately. I wait for God to speak, move, do something spectacular, or something because my life feels empty. I am irritable, quick to judge, tired, and not on my game.

I am quick to try and convince myself that tomorrow I will try harder, tomorrow I will start doing the right thing. I want today to myself. Just one more day for myself. The sermon hit home.... because I know what I have to do and yet I honestly try and avoid it at all cost. God is waiting for me right now. Our lives are borrowed time and a gift from God. There are opportunities to serve God everyday. He is with us every step of the way and yet I am the first to exclude him from so many things. Things would be so different if I tried to walk every moment, not just when there is time. It is actually quite selfish to waste time - the more I think about it. If we claim to be christian then time is precious and we should be seeking for Gods best in every single moment.

- kind of a brief unedited version - =) I had to write it or I would forget

The Lament of a Believer in Exile

Ah, Jesus!

Where have you gone?

When did we lose you?
Was it when we became so certain that we possessed you
That we persecuted Jews,
Excommunicated doubters,
Burned Heretics,
And used violence and war to achieve conversion?
Was it when our first-century images
Collided with expanding knowledge?
Or when biblical scholars informed us that the Bible does
Not really support what we once believed?
Was it when we watched your followers distorting people
With guilt,
Fear,
Bigotry,
Intolerance,
And anger?
Was it when we noticed that many who called you Lord
And who read their Bibles regularly
Also practiced slavery,
Defended segregation,
Approved lynching,
Abused children,
Diminished women,
And hated homosexuals?
Was it when we finally realized
That the Jesus who promised abundant life
Could not be the source of self-hatred,
Or one who encourages us to grovel
In life-destroying penitence?
Was it when it dawned on us that serving you would require
The surrender of those security-building prejudices
That masquerade as our sweet sicknesses?
We still yearn for you, Jesus, but we no longer know where
To seek your presence.
Do we look for you in those churches that practice certainty?
Or are you hiding in those churches
That so fear controversy that they make "unity" a god,
And stand for so little that they die of boredom?
Can you ever be found in those churches that have
Rejected the powerless and the marginalized,
The lepers and the Samaritans of our day,
Those you called out brothers and sisters?
Or must we now look for you outside ecclesiastical setting,
Where love and kindness expect no reward,
Where questions are viewed as the deepest
Expressions of trust?
Is it even possible, Jesus, that we Christians are the villains Who killed you?
Smothering you underneath literal Bibles,
Dated creeds,
Irrelevant doctrines,
And dying structures?
If these things are the source of your disappearance, Jesus, Will you then reemerge if these things are removed?
Will that bring resurrection?
Or were you, as some now suggest, never more
Than an illusion?
By burying and distorting you were we
Simply protecting ourselves
From having to face that realization?
I still seek to possess what I believe you are, Jesus:
Access to and embodiment of
The source of Love,
The ground of Being,
A doorway into the mystery of holiness.
It is through that doorway I desire to walk.
Will you meet me there?
Will you challenge me,
Guide me,
Confront me,
Reveal your truth to me and in me?
Finally, at the end of this journey, Jesus,
Will you embrace me
Inside the ultimate reality
That I call God
In whom I live
And move
And having my being?

Read with Care....

Its funny how stubborn I become sometimes. I have nothing to write about and I wonder why this is... but when I think about it I already know the answer. I love to write about you. God. I easily and quickly become so caught up in things, busy with life, with things, thoughts, dreams, worries and forget that you are right there along with me doing those things with me and sometimes even for me. I let people, circumstances, events, things get in the way. I keep adding to my schedule and everytime I do I squeeze a little bit of you out. and now, here I am - back in the same place where I started last time. Wondering where you are - when in actual fact you are probably asking the same thing. I have forgotten how beautiful life is. The roses have not been smelt for a long time. I am kind of in a suspended mode right now. and i know that when you are not moving forward then you are not growing at all and with God we need to always be growing. This I have not been doing. I find it so easy to fall into a routine and forget the heart of the matter. I hate being considered a person of routine - yet so easily I fall in to that category. I go to church and see my friends and sing my favourite songs - I can even do harmony to most of them and i know the bible. sort of. and then you are forgotten. Even amongst all these 'godly' activities. I have forgotten how to love you and to love others as you loved them first. You are so beautiful - let us not forget. Show me your beauty new everyday.

Thoughts from the Aged and Lovely

I visited my Grandmother the other day. I love going there for tea. One because I love tea, two because I'm starting to learn that they love having me over and I have so much I can possibly learn from them. I usually like to have the mentality that I know a lot - not everything - just a lot. But my grandma is usually pretty blunt and without meaning to puts me in my place very quickly. As of late I have been trying to open up and tell her what I think because I know that she will reciprocate. And in doing so my grandma is quick to point out things in myself that I don't always like to acknowledge.

Yesterday the lesson was discipline. Man - I totally don't have it. I've known that for a long time. But its nice to know I am not alone. I was telling her all the things I was thinking about school, being scared of papers, wasting time on my computer, and things I want to do. My Grandma was kind enough to reaffirm that everyone struggles with discipline. It is one of the hardest things to achieve. One of my battles in life is how do I discipline myself? I honestly never really have had to be disciplined in anything. I always slack off and get away with whatever I can do. But I am tired of doing that because I know that there is so much more potential to enjoy things and achieve things that I would have never imagined. I want to do so many things - I want to serve God and to great things. But every time I think about these grandiose ideas the parable of the minas always comes to mind. How we need to be responsible with the little things before God entrusts us with the big things. AND - that the little things are just as important as the big things. There is no less meaning/significance in taking care of what we deem to be so little.

So, the lesson for me - or rather questions and challenges pour moi. What has God put me in charge of today, and be faithful with that. I have been slowly learning that Today is what counts - we cannot worry about tomorrow- and usually that is my first thought. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow, there is no guarantee except for what we have now today. How can I serve God today? what is the best use of my time? How do I go about finding out what you want for me - today and tomorrow. What does it look like to be still and know that God is God? How do I be bold and courageous and go about my daily task, and my life mission with confidence that God is right in front of me? Next is discipline. haha my worst enemy -and yet would be my best friend. How does one go about and train oneself to be disciplined? Je ne sais pas.

So many questions - and I feel like I have so few answers sometimes.

I dont think this is something you can just google.



What we are required to do now is STAND erect and look the world in the face and do our duty without fear or favour"
WINSTON CHURCHILL

A look into .....

I find myself thinking about what life will look like in oh say six years. I guess its understandable - partially because that is when I will be done school. I look back at how drastically my life and views and thoughts and ideas have changed in the past couple of years.... just how much more will things change? It brings mixed emotions, and of course being me the first one is worry. Not a bad worry all in all, but worry. And excitement, and intrigue are high up on the list. Pretty much I am at a point in my life where I can do virtually anything if I let God in, and if I put my mind to it. There is so many things that I want to do - hence the worry - because I feel like I cant just pick one - and I really want to pick the right one. As I learn more and more about God, this world, and other things I find myself discontent about more and more things. Not in myself (well actually thats a lie) but with the world - and the people all around me. How can I put love into this world? I feel so insignificant sometimes because there is so much hurt and need in this world. Where do we start? I am slowly starting to realize the truth in the verse: "he who is faithful with the small things will be responsible for many things" - I don't think thats exactly how it goes but anyways.... it makes sense. I think. But my purpose is to love. I don't know what that will look like when I am done school - and sometimes I am to worried about what the finished product will look like - and what I want it to look like. Rather than worrying about this present moment - or not worrying. Thats the wrong word. Focusing. I am slowly learning to focus in on what is relevant today. Tomorrow will come - and it will come nice and ready for me. God has given me this very minute - this day to do anything and everything that I possibly can to glorify him. I don't have to worry about the big picture. Not excessively anyways because its all theoretically taken care of. The hardest part is believing that - but its worth it. It kind of simplifies life and gets rid of a little bit of stress when I focus on today and focus on God. obviously - but easier said than done. Atleast for me. I'm trying to remember that I have been blessed with so much -
I have been:
Blessed to be a blessing


P.S. This picture is of my favourite t-shirt ever. I don't know who that is but props to the t-shirt.

Wisdom Love and Unity - All in One

So there's this verse in the bible - I think it says that we are supposed to love one another as much as we love ourselves. But that's not the one I was looking for.


I actually read 1 Corinthians 1 for my small group. There is nothing about love mentioned in this passage however, feel free to hear me out. So the first part of this passage talks about divisions in the church. My first question came from verse ten.

. "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought"

. Typical - What does this mean? however - I mean on what level, or to what extent does this remain applicable? Think about what our world looks like. Think about what Christians look like. Think about what denominations look like. Think about many groups of friends look like. We are divided beyond divided. I know for a fact that if I were to take this question to my parents church they would say that there should be agreement within a denomination. But if you look within denominations there is division. So I got to thinking - what would this look like? How cool would it look if people started to think with a discerning, yet open heart? What if - we took this passage literally? Shouldn't we be doing that anyways? I realise that this world is corrupt - and so ideally this would/should/could work - but reality is- not everyone will agree. But I ask this question.. what differences are so great that cause so much division between ourselves? What are the fundamental beliefs of being a Christian? I think that most of us would probably agree on the same things - God - three persons and yet one (call it a trinity or not) is ruler of all - knows all, is everywhere, and is just, holy, and perfect Jesus - The saviour of the nations - died and lived again - a perfect life to redeem us, a fallen people We - are the body of Christ, called to go and make disciples of all nations - baptizing them, to glorify God, and to be Holy I don't want to start a debate or anything - but why does it seem so simple? I know there are many other things that are included in the Christian faith but so many of us are hard of heart (including myself), so prideful, and we believe that everyone should see it our way. If we have to change our way of thinking that would mean several things. It would entail that we were possibly wrong, that we might have to suck somethings up, that we might have to actually humble ourselves and show people we are not perfect. I don't know - maybe I am simplifying things way too much. But I believe that there are things that everyone could benefit from every denomination. Everyone says that there is not one church... so why is it so hard to come together as one body.

The note on verse 13 sends us to Chapter 12:12-13 .

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were baptized by one spirit into one body - whether Jew or Greek, slave or free - and we were all given the one spirit to drink"

. the study note = a unit...many parts. This example illustrates the unity and diversity of the different spiritual gifts exercised by God's people, who are all members of the one body of Christ.


. So what comes to my mind when I read this verse. I see many different people (obviously) - but I see that believing this verse has powerful connotations. I just believe that if everyone could put aside their differences - and love we would see a new movement. What would the true body of Christ look like? God has made us all different - so we shouldn't have to conform to one type of worship, to one way of connecting to God. Now I'm not referring to moral relativism or anything, but I think that we could learn a lot from what others have to say. If we were not so closed minded, or afraid to be pushed out of our comfort zone - into something different. We need a wake up call. No one is going anywhere until we clean up our act.

I think I kind of rambled a little... and Im not sure if i ended up making a point there but anyways - that was what was running through my mind when I read this part of the chapter. We could do great things - if we came together as one body. Maybe I am thinking too big maybe I am not.

All right so the second Part talks about the wisdom and power of God. Every time I read this section - it brings me to my knees. Verse 25 is one of my favorites

" For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength"

The Irony (if that is the right word) sort of just strikes me. To state the obvious - God is not foolish, ever. Nor is He weak. But we sometimes start thinking that we are so wise, so smart - we have it all figured out, and that we can handle it all. So it kind of stops us in our tracks - just plainly says right out that even God' worst -if that's even possible - is infinitely better than our 'best'. So that is one thing i pulled from this. The second thing that I thought about this verse was that when we do not know what is going on that even though God's plans may seem foolish to us - its better than what we could plan out. So sort of similar. Now as I go back and read the entire section and the history of the passage - its just basically clarifying the awesome power of our God. He is putting down the philosophers of that time and saying that God is the only one where wisdom comes from. He shows his wisdom and glory through the small things so that we might not boast in ourselves. Pretty smart if you think about it. Anyways - its just awesome how God chooses to work because it means that we must constantly keep our ears, eyes, minds and hearts open. Because we do not always know when God will 'show up' and make himself known. And the excellent closing for the day =)

"Let him who boast, boast in the Lord"

Boast in Him always - in everything we do.

Writing to Define

As there are many different forms of spirituality and belief systems, so there are many different ideas of what spiritual beauty really means. If beauty is defined as the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense or deep satisfaction to the mind, then I would submit that, from a Christian point of view, spiritual beauty encompasses the entire journey which one takes with God. This includes the personal relationship, the trials and the triumphs of everyday life, as well as the community and fellowship that is experienced when two or more Christians are gathered. It is like a play; we watch with great anticipation because we do not know how the end will turn out. Once it is finished we can sit back and be satisfied for we know how it turned out and we understand the events in the middle which we did not understand right away.

The deepest satisfaction found in all things spiritual is having a personal relationship with the creator. There is nothing more beautiful than knowing who God is and the love that he has for us. When we talk regularly to God and begin to form that relationship with him, daily life and our ultimate purpose become clearer. We worry less about what is to come and can find satisfaction in the knowledge that God is our friend in all circumstances. It is not a tedious task to have are relationship with God but rather a meaningful bond which, when given enough time, turns into something very beautiful.

Though life may look ugly and dismal at times we must remember to think of the bigger picture which we belong to. God says that when we are weak, then he is strong. This means that God shows his glory through us not when we are always at our best, but when it is evident that we cannot get by on our own strength. It is then when Gods beauty shines through most brightly. If we look at different stories through out history we see that God has greater things planned than we could ever imagine. We cannot always see how things make sense right away, however if we are patient we will remember that God has got both the bad and good under control and will make a masterpiece out of it all.

Personal triumphs give us a very intense feeling of satisfaction. When we overcome temptations or struggles with help from peers or from God. When God convicts us to help the hurting person next to us, or tells us to just listen to a friend in need something beautiful has started. When we are pushed out of our comfort zone to speak against something that is wrong when we know it means ridicule, the fact we can rest in Gods strength and approval is spiritual beauty. When we finally bow our knee and submit everything to our father, there is spiritual beauty.

The most powerful event to watch is when a group of believers come together and listen to what God has to say. Where two or three are gathered, there God is. When believers get together and pray, love and serve together, great things happen when God is the center focus. Great satisfaction can be derived from doing the work of God with fellow believers. Lives are changed when people reach out and love the surrounding community. Spiritual beauty is realised when the purpose of God is wilfully carried out by believers because God has been glorified, and we have been enriched as well as the non-believers. Something beautiful has come out of obedience.


So many things can be attributed to spiritual beauty. Living a spiritually satisfying life is one of the most beautiful things a person can do. We often look at the elderly and the wise in the church and look at them in awe because they have lived beautiful lives. They have been through the ups and downs, they have worked very hard to know, love and serve God as individuals and as well as with fellow believers and they are an example of what spiritual beauty looks like in whole. We who have many years ahead of us can only see a part of the play we are in. We might not be able to see spiritual beauty in its entirety in our own lives, however if we look to others we can have a taste of what is to come if we persevere. Spiritual beauty will unfold itself in each of our walks in different ways.

All The World's a Stage

It is hard to grasp who we are and how we define ourselves sometimes. I like to think of myself as independent and not easily swayed by others opinions, but in reality there are many forces of which i am very ignorant of that persuade how I think. While reading my sociology - I find myself very intrigued by all the different ideas and realities that are presented to me. I sit here in awe of things which I have been so naive to in the past. I am wrestling with the fact that everything I am today is the product of what other people think and do. To a certain extent it is inevitable and unavoidable, however how many of us are content with the way things are. I am not. I like the idea of dependency on community and others, but not the idea that we feel like we must conform to all the norms. The norms I am referring to are these: emotions, humor, equality, status, roles and many more. Who defines these? and what gives them the right to do this? Why do people feel the need to conform to belong? is this wrong? I hate the idea of just going with the flow - it hasn't seemed to get us very far. It is also interesting as we look back on our lives and wonder what lies ahead. How many parts will we play in this world? What parts will we choose to play? Will they be leading characters? will they be parts that are remembered? Or will they be parts that have a role in the plot development and changes? Will we be in the background - hardly noticeable?
'




All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.
- William Shakespeare (As You Like It, act 2, scene 7)